


So A Horse Walks Into A Bar

by GreyMichaela



Series: Coffee Cake [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad Jokes, Fluff, For a given value of humor, Humor, I don't even know anymore, I got a prompt and this is what happened, I'm so sorry, M/M, This is what I do with my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-08 11:19:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1939050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyMichaela/pseuds/GreyMichaela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When good joke wars go bad...</p>
            </blockquote>





	So A Horse Walks Into A Bar

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse. None. This is sheer ridiculous crack. Many thanks to all my awesome friends on [Tumblr](http://greymichaela.tumblr.com), who sent me some of the _worst_ jokes I've ever heard. Truly, their horrible humor gives me life.

Nobody really knew how it got started.  All anyone could tell was that one day things were normal – well, normal for them, at any rate – and the next, Sam and Gabriel were in the middle of a full-fledged joke war.

Not just any jokes, though.  _Bad_ jokes.  The worst jokes possible, it seemed.

 

“What’s blue and smells like paint?” Gabriel asked over breakfast at Daily Grind. “Blue paint!”

Sam took a bite of bagel as the group at the table collectively groaned.

“What’s red and smells like blue paint?” he countered.

“Red paint!” Gabriel said immediately.

“Aw damn,” Sam said, glowering at his bagel as if it had personally offended him. “I’ll get you next time.”

Gabriel chortled. “I’m looking forward to it, Samsquatch.”

 

“What did the prism say to the light?” Gabriel wanted to know when they met for lunch.

Sam looked mystified.  “I give up.”

Seth glanced at Chuck. “What are we doing?”

“Get bent!” Gabriel crowed.

“Telling the worst jokes possible, from what we can gather,” Chuck said.

Seth brightened.  “In that case, I’ve got one!  What’s the highest form of flattery?”

Everyone looked at him.

“Plateaus!”

Sam applauded and Gabriel joined in.  Chuck clutched his head and groaned.

 

Before long everyone was involved.  Meg’s favorites were ghost pickup lines and skeleton jokes. 

“You make me feel dead inside,” she informed Benny in all seriousness.

He looked stricken and Sam rushed to reassure him, glaring at Meg, who was laughing fit to burst.

“My friend the skeleton said he was going to get your number for me,” Meg said when she got her breath back, “But he didn’t have the guts, so here I am.”

“This is what you do with your time?” Benny asked her.

Meg grinned at him and dropped a kiss on his mouth, rumpling his hair before swinging a leg over the picnic bench to stand up.  “Time for class.  Catch ya later, big guy.”

“How does Jack Frost get to work?” Charlotte asked as Meg jogged off.

Stumped faces all around.

“By icicle!”

“Good one,” Gabriel said, high-fiving her.

“What’s brown and sticky?” Sam wanted to know.

“A stick!” several voices chorused, and Sam slumped in his seat.

“Dammit.”

Gabriel patted his arm sympathetically.  “You’ll get us next time, tiger.”

“Did you hear about the rubber band pistol that was confiscated from algebra class?” Seth asked.  “It was a weapon of math disruption.”

Gabriel snorted.

Chuck whimpered.

 

Gabriel rolled over as Sam crawled into bed so the taller man could slide in and press up against him.  Sam draped a long arm around Gabriel’s waist.

“She was only a whiskey maker,” Gabriel murmured, “But he loved her still.”

Sam groaned. He drifted off to sleep smiling, with Gabriel tucked against his side.

 

“What do evil chickens lay?” Sam asked Seth the next morning.

“Deviled eggs,” Seth said around his mouthful of blueberry muffin.

Sam scowled.

“You’re really not having much luck with this, are you?” Gabriel asked.

“Shut up,” Sam said, and began to eat.

 

“What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?” Sam asked Seth.

“Dam!” Seth said without looking up from his book.

Sam sighed and Gabriel had to fight to keep his face straight.  His boyfriend was adorable when he pouted.

“Seriously, Sam, I’m pretty sure toddlers know that joke,” Seth said.

“I hate you all,” Sam said.

Gabriel looked hastily away so he wouldn’t laugh.

 

After that, Sam was determined to find a joke they hadn’t heard. He pored over bad joke sites online until Gabriel had to drag him away from the computer and into bed, where he pounced and tickled him until Sam was hiccupping with laughter and pleading for mercy.

 

Benny had a joke for them the next time they met.  “My grandmamma, she from Tennessee, yeah?  Good Southern girl.  She loved this one.”  He cleared his throat and put on an exaggerated Southern drawl.  “Why is mah finger lahk a pie?”

Everyone stared at him, at a loss.

“Because it’s got mah-rang on it!” he said triumphantly.

Meg burst into giggles.  “Nice, babe,” she managed to say.  “And by nice, I mean ‘terrible’, of course.”

Benny grinned complacently.  “I know.”

 

Chuck was the only one who refused to take part.  Any time he was asked, he protested that he didn’t _know_ any jokes, he wasn’t funny anyway.  Eventually, though, he broke down, as Gabriel knew he would.

“Fine,” he snapped the next time Charlotte begged him to join in.  “I have one joke.  Ready?”

They all nodded.

Chuck cleared his throat.  “My social life.”

He glanced around the table at the puzzled faces.  “That’s it, dammit, that’s the joke!”

Gabriel muffled a groan and Charlotte bit her lip to keep from laughing. 

Seth sat bolt upright, startling them all.  “I just remembered one! What do you call a fish with no eyes?”

No one could answer him.

“A fsh!” Seth said happily.

Charlotte high-fived him and they left for class, talking quietly. _Probably sharing more jokes,_ Gabriel thought.

Sam was scowling at his milkshake.  Gabriel nudged him.

“Okay there, Samshine?”

Sam looked up.  “Hm?  Fine.  Thinking.”

“You know, not everyone can tell jokes.  Doesn’t mean you’re not funny.  In fact, there are some really hilarious people that can’t tell jokes to save their lives. Don’t sweat it, yeah?”

Sam shot him a glare.  “I’m not ‘sweating’ anything,” he said.  “I’m just _thinking.”_

Gabriel held up his hands.  “Okay, okay. Sorry.”   He stood up and dropped a kiss on Sam’s hair. “Class.  Catch you later, babe.”

 

They gathered at the Beanery that night for dinner, the whole raucous crowd. Castiel sat on Gabriel’s left, brow furrowed as he examined the menu thoroughly.  Jo was in the corner, her sleek blond hair shining next to Charlotte’s dark afro as they laughed together.  Seth had his arm slung over Chuck’s shoulder, Chuck gesturing wildly as Seth nodded along to his story.  Meg and Benny were holding hands, looking dopey in love. 

Gabriel glanced around the table, smiling to himself, and Sam leaned into his side. “I like your family,” he said quietly.

Gabriel kissed Sam’s head where it rested on his shoulder.  “Yeah, I think I chose ‘em pretty well too.”

Chuck finished his story and the server came to take their orders.  When she’d left, Seth said without preamble, “I had an aunt who was Catholic, did you know?  She liked to take walks a lot.  They called her the roamin’ Catholic.”

“Oh yeah?” Sam retorted before anyone could even react.  “Well, my grandfather has the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the zoo.”

There was a stunned silence, and then the table fell apart with helpless whoops of laughter.  Sam grinned from ear to ear at his success and Gabriel wiped tears from his eyes and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Nicely done,” he said, still giggling.  “You win this round.”


End file.
